Jake, Josh, and I ran the Ogden half marathon. I
started training back in December. Mind you, I am not an athlete. I never have
been. Running is really, really hard. But I still set the goal to finish.
Because of moving, I had slacked in training a little bit and had kept going
back and forth with my cousin Melissa who said she would run for me if she
wanted me to. But deep down I didn’t want to quit.
When I was about ten, I went to one of my cousin Melissa’s
track meets with her. Family members could run with them and so I jumped on the
bandwagon and ran. I don’t remember how far it was…I’m sure it was probably
only once around the track, but I never crossed that finish line. I rounded the
last corner, my lungs were burning, and I ran and collapsed in my grandma’s
lap. I remember an adult, motioning me to finish, telling me to “come
on!!”….but I never did. That day has haunted me. It has played a large role in
my life. Every time I don’t complete something or only do something halfway,
that experience in my life creeps back into my head. I feel like anything I set
out to do and don’t complete, I blame on that experience. It really has
bothered me, even 22 years later. There are things in my life that have brought
this experience up over and over and one of those experiences was with school.
I never received my bachelor’s degree. Yes, I received an associates degree
along with a certificate. (I went to school long enough, it might as well have
been one) but that thought that I never finished felt like adding another tally
to the things I had started and hadn’t completed. It really has haunted me. I
remember having an emotional breakdown a while ago, talking and crying to Jake.
Telling him that I felt like a failure. The feeling of failing is pretty
crappy.
Now back to running…I knew I had started out with this goal
of running this half marathon. I knew it was going to be really hard. I have
never run for long periods of time in my life. We had signed up to do Ragnar
back before I knew I was pregnant with Hayden and felt really disappointed that
I had to drop out. Another tally of failure (in my eyes). I wanted to sign up
to give me motivation to lose this baby weight. I’m tired of being fat and I
needed something. If you ever need motivation to get you running….seriously
sign up for a marathon. SCARED. ME. TO. DEATH. I started training back in
December. A lot of our friends in our neighborhood are runners, so I had a
spectacular cheering squad! January came, still on track. February came, still
running strong. March came (oh ya…we decided to put our house up for sale),
started slacking. April came, started slacking because my life has been so
chaotic. And then May finally came. I didn’t want to fail this time. I wanted
to finish what I started. I’m not a quitter. I don’t want my girls to be
quitters. Lead by example, right?
Last week I had run 10 miles. It was painful. The next week
my body felt it. The most I had gone before then was 8.5 miles. I had felt
pretty good after those ones, but this time 10 felt really far. My body felt
it. Because of the soreness, I started to feel anxiety. I knew I only had 3
more miles after that 10, but doubt started to set it. Through this whole
experience, Jake has told me over and over and over, that running is a mental
game. And it totally is. Your legs are made to run, they just are. It’s not allowing
the doubt and discouragement to set in.
We had gotten a hotel room in Ogden at the Hilton, pretty
close to where they were going to shuttle us up the canyon. We had to be at the
bus stop by five. The race started at 6:45. All three of us shared a room. The
night before we went to a little Italian shop and loaded up on pasta and then
went to see Million Dollar Arm. I was exhausted by the time we got to our room.
I don’t know if it was the anxiety built up that was making me tired, or the
thought of waking up at 4 am! Either way, I was ready for bed. I don’t know
that I got much sleep that night. I lay there trying to squint to see what time
the microwave said. I think it was between 2 and 3 and I lay there until the
alarm went off at 4. We all got ready to leave. It has been pretty nice the
last couple of days. It’s been warm and sunny. Last year, it poured and it was
freezing for those that ran, so I was very grateful I didn’t have to run in the
rain. I woke up wanting to vomit. I was so anxious. I kept telling myself “just
finish…just finish. I don’t care how long it takes….just finish”.
We loaded up the bus and headed up the canyon. Troy,
Kristin, Crystal and Crystal’s niece were all running it as well and met up
with us at the bus. Troy and Kristin have been super supportive this entire
time I have set this goal. They are pretty experienced runners and have called
and wanted me to go run with them. (of course I ran BEHIND them and not with
them!! There’s no way I’d keep up!!) . Once we got up 13 miles up the canyon,
they dropped us off and we all huddled around fire pits. Luckily it wasn’t too
bad. I think my adrenalin was kicking in. At 6:45 we all counted down and off
we went. There were SO many people. They are all crazy!! ;) The first part of the
course you go up hill and then the majority of it is down. It’s a beautiful
canyon. The first three or four miles were rough. At mile 5 I remember
thinking, okay…I can do this. At
mile 8 I was thinking, “ok, five more, what’s five more”. At mile 10, my body
started to shut down a little. I felt hungry. Luckily, oranges and bananas and
a cookie were at the next station. I ate an orange and a cookie and was on my
way. Mile 11 felt like it was forever long and by the time mile 12 hit, I just
wanted to be done!
During this whole thing, I was choking back tears. I don’t
know why it has been such an emotional thing for me. I saw Jake about four
blocks from the end and I couldn’t hold it in any more. I started to bawl. I
overheard a lady ask if they were “happy tears” and they definitely were. Happy
tears?! Maybe not happy tears, but they were definitely tears of
accomplishment. I could see Avery jumping up and down and as soon as I got
close both she and Rylee came running out and we ran to the finish line together.
I seriously was so overwhelmed! I had finished! I finished! (…and I wasn’t last!! I didn’t want to be last
either). In the beginning, the
only thing I wanted from all of this was for Jake to be a proud husband. I
wanted to feel like he was proud of me. I wanted that more than anything. But
now, now that I have finished, I am proud of myself. It was dang hard. But in
the end it was so worth the torture you put your body through. Will I run
another one? I don’t know. I don’t want to go back to the lack of shape I was
in before, so I probably will sign up for another one to keep me motivated and
hopefully I can beat my time.
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me, Kristin Brown, Chrystal Parkinson and Sarah (Chrystal's niece)
Huddling around the fire pits to stay warm |
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| Troy was taking our picture...guess he thought I needed a selfie of him!! |
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| Kristin...my biggest cheer leader! |
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| At the finish line. So glad to be done! |
